Your time with your family or husband worth to you? I was asked to contemplate this question yesterday when I found out we wouldn't be going on vacation next week as planned because the production livelihood of Al's company depended on him being available next week. To their credit, his bosses were extremely apologetic, if not a little embarrassed that they had to ask Al to forgo his vacation. And they wanted to know how to make it up to me.
I understand that Al plays an integral role in his company and, given what the last week brought them, I had an inkling that he might be working on his vacation, I just didn't think they'd ask him to not go at all! What makes a sucky situation suckier is that we picked this week specifically because we can't live at home this coming week because Joan is having radiation and we can't be near her. So at the very least, they have to put us in a hotel for the week.
I don't want to be selfish but the thing I was most looking forward to was not necessarily getting away, but just having unreserved, uninterrupted quality time with Al and Al alone. No one else around to ask to please turn the tv down or coming down the stairs to say hi. No one walking overhead or slamming doors or trash compactors or whatever else is slammable. Just me and him, alone. We weren't planning on doing a whole lot in NH because of the impending expenses we have coming up, but I was really looking forward to the little things: playing cards and drinking wine, reading a book on one couch while he watched tv on the other, snuggling in bed late into the morning...the little things.
Instead, while Al is working, I will be sitting in a hotel room, or walking around Providence, trying to entertain myself until he gets out of work, and who knows when that will be because he doesn't have set hours. I'm just kind of lonely. With the hours both of us have been working, we barely see each other. He came home from work one night last week and had to get on the phone right away because the shit hit the fan at work. So we sat at the same table together, eating dinner, but there was no conversation, other than with whomever he was speaking with on the other line.
I don't make him feel guilty for doing his job because I know he feels guilty enough on his own. I see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice. I know it killed him yesterday to ask me what it would take to make up not going away this week. I know he needs a vacation as much as I do. But I'm not going to be selfish. I will just cherish whatever time we do happen to spend together in the upcoming week.
I understand that Al plays an integral role in his company and, given what the last week brought them, I had an inkling that he might be working on his vacation, I just didn't think they'd ask him to not go at all! What makes a sucky situation suckier is that we picked this week specifically because we can't live at home this coming week because Joan is having radiation and we can't be near her. So at the very least, they have to put us in a hotel for the week.
I don't want to be selfish but the thing I was most looking forward to was not necessarily getting away, but just having unreserved, uninterrupted quality time with Al and Al alone. No one else around to ask to please turn the tv down or coming down the stairs to say hi. No one walking overhead or slamming doors or trash compactors or whatever else is slammable. Just me and him, alone. We weren't planning on doing a whole lot in NH because of the impending expenses we have coming up, but I was really looking forward to the little things: playing cards and drinking wine, reading a book on one couch while he watched tv on the other, snuggling in bed late into the morning...the little things.
Instead, while Al is working, I will be sitting in a hotel room, or walking around Providence, trying to entertain myself until he gets out of work, and who knows when that will be because he doesn't have set hours. I'm just kind of lonely. With the hours both of us have been working, we barely see each other. He came home from work one night last week and had to get on the phone right away because the shit hit the fan at work. So we sat at the same table together, eating dinner, but there was no conversation, other than with whomever he was speaking with on the other line.
I don't make him feel guilty for doing his job because I know he feels guilty enough on his own. I see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice. I know it killed him yesterday to ask me what it would take to make up not going away this week. I know he needs a vacation as much as I do. But I'm not going to be selfish. I will just cherish whatever time we do happen to spend together in the upcoming week.
3 comments:
So sorry you guys can't take your vacation. I had to forego taking one that I had planned about a year and a half ago due to work as well, and it definitely takes a toll. Don't stress about it though...just plan another one for as soon as you can! :)
P.S. This is magicalmikl.
I am soooo sorry to hear you couldn't get away, I was in tears, you "sound" soooo sad. I KNOW you NEEDED that time away.Hang in there, your time will come.
Post a Comment